We’re Adopting!
Usually my posts are reviews about restaurants or new recipes I have put together or “tweaked.” But this is a different kind of post. I’d like to announce that my husband and I are adopting from China. We actually applied in September of 2011, after we had been married 2 years. We have submitted our dossier and are simply waiting to get an actual referral for a special needs baby in China. We are open to a child of either gender.
I always knew I wanted to adopt. I guess I like the idea of giving a chance and lifting up a child who would not normally have a great chance to succeed or to live a happy life.
Even though this is a joyful thing, I have been reluctant to go public with this. This is probably surprising to any of you that know me because I am usually pretty candid when talking about my life. When we told our families we were going to adopt, they weren’t really as supportive as we thought they would be. They didn’t understand why we should adopt when we could easily have a child of our own. They also thought that if we had to adopt that there was no reason why we shouldn’t adopt a “perfect child.” Otherwise, we would just be “inviting a lot of trouble.” Needless to say, these statements from our loved ones hurt us deeply. They thought they were trying to help us. What they didn’t realize was that the just caused us a lot of pain. Unintentional pain can be just as hurtful as intentional. I’m a forgiving person so I guess we’ll see what happens.
I think the best way to say it is to put it straight. We’re adopting because we want to adopt and because we are being called to adopt. We’re still planning on having biological children of our own. But we know, without a doubt, that adoption is a path that we want to take. We’re totally okay if we adopt first rather than have biological children first. I’m not bothered by the fact that this isn’t conventional. When has anything I have done in my life ever been conventional? I have always been known to march to my own beat. We don’t want to adopt a perfect child. We want to take a child that is not seen to be perfect that would most likely be stigmatized and ostracized in Chinese society and to bring them into our lives and love them. I don’t know any other way to put it. And if people don’t understand that then they will never understand.
So much is going through my mind right now. I’m proud to be Chinese. But why is it so hard for Chinese people (those born in China like our parents and even some Chinese people born in America) to understand that me and Kenny really WANT to adopt? We’re not adopting because we can’t have kids. We simply want to incorporate adopted children into our family. Why is the attitude I’m getting “It’s not your problem, someone else will take care of the orphans”? Oh really? All of them? Who? First of all in China, few people adopt. It’s just not done or condoned in Chinese society. Also, the few who are even open to adoption don’t even want people to know that the child is adopted. They are usually ashamed of it and never even mention it! Chinese orphans are lucky to get adopted before age 14. After they age out, they cannot be adopted and they lose their chance of ever having parents who love them. It’s difficult to be an orphan in the United States or to be in foster care. But the United States still has a lot more services available to kids who age out of the system.
We’re following our hearts. But we are experiencing pain right now because our quest to adopt and our wish for our adoption to be accepted by family is going up against thousands of years of Chinese tradition. I don’t blame my family but I hope their hearts will change.
I’m excited, anxious, hopeful, and revving up for major life changes. Please pray for us as we prepare our hearts and minds for parenthood. I do believe our future child is already somewhere in China. Please pray for our future child and pray for God to watch over them until we go to China to get them.
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